Fly Naked


Thursday, August 10, 2006

You can’t imagine the panic I’ll suffer when I take my first flight without bottled water and hand lotion in my purse. Next to chapstick, water and hand lotion are my flight survival tools. Jewelry and accessories no longer adorn my pre-flight body, as well as, shoes that require futzing to remove.

Soon, we shall all fly naked.

Thinking about this concept, which is not out of reality’s realm, I wondered if it wasn’t the plan all along. When I imagine the mind of a fanatic, I wonder about their sexual repression. Sex is either number one to be had or the number one forbidden among fanatical tyrants. If some believe that virgins await them in a higher place after blowing themselves and others to smithereens, dude, these are not the kind of virgins you might have had in mind. They are either the wicked bitches from hell or so ethereal that they wouldn’t touch a suicide bomber with even a glance.

Sex. There it is. So, while walking the pooch, Hank, this morning and pondering my next flight out of Albuquerque, I realized that soon enough one of these fanatics will figure out how to make cotton, polyester, silks and woolens into explosive devices. You know what that means. Fly naked. Airlines will likely provide a modesty robe then raise the cost of ticketing another 30-percent.

The idea of buying a boat for retirement has played in my head. The rules changed this morning. Perhaps flying lessons and researching Cessnas is more prudent. Understand, this body of mine does not bare its self in front of any one other than my plethora of physicians. The beauty factor is long gone. My vanity, however, remains intact. No naked.

About a block away from home, Hank and I sweltering in this morning’s Rocky Mountain monsoon humidity, I also wondered if these new red alerts are not the result of Tuesday’s primary elections in Connecticut. I’m not a conspiracy freak, I am just adding up what the neo-cons said yesterday about the primaries. Paraphrased, “Be afraid, be very afraid.”

Why? We gonna be flying naked!

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