Butt-Crack Fashion


Yes, sometime back in the late 1960s, I wore khaki-green jeans–poncho topped–with a tambourine tied to a leather string slung over my shoulder. My pierced ears held long dangling rings and beads that often tangled with my waist-length hair. The fellows around were jean and Mexican shirt attired. Colorful, defiant and full of ourselves, we looked good–in our eyes.

Would I dress the same today? Sometimes I do, except for the green jeans.

Recently, vehicle registration forced me inside a local DMV. Lots of sitting and observing time there. First, a heavier guy, say around 30-ish, heard his number–927–called. The minute “Number 927, to window 3, please,” echoed through the state chamber, every face turned and watched that lucky duck make his way to the counter. However, I wished this lucky duck had feathers on his butt end instead of 4″ inches of serious crack mooning the crowd.

Okay, he was a little sloppy. Forgiven. Sort of.

Number 1012 out did 927. Britches below his arse, I hoped that his tucked-in shirt stayed that way. “Please, don’t stretch or bend,” I prayed. His fashion was purposeful. I get it. It’s fashion. Sort of. Butt crack fashion.

The best part was watching him try to walk. That’s when I began to doubt the wisdom of this look.

Probably everyone has experienced a time when your drawers were dropped, and for unexpected reasons you had to get up and move. Did you ever play the mountaineer game with a bowl-legged character that must find the right maze to reach the top? That’s what it’s like walking with pants below the butt. Miserable. (This brings to mind a Big Sur camp out. Nature made her call. Half a mile inside the tree lined canyon I found a sheltered place for the moment. Making my self as comfortable as one can get at this time, I exhaled, looked up at the parting fog when suddenly, a huge snake slithered its way across my bare feet. I became the bowl-legged, pants dropped, person running back to camp.)

I know this brands my 60th decade, but I don’t want to see any one’s butt crack, even Brad Pitt’s. Don’t misinterpret this as me being prudish. The entirety of Mr. Pitt’s bareness is just fine. However, as the butt crack makes itself present, then the thought of britches dropping to the knees gives me the heeby-jeebies. Why? I will watch, then feel like a pervy old lady.

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