2017 — Part 2. The Cancer Within


2017 began with an innate sense that if we don’t connect with nature, we will lose our way. Inspiration jolted me from bed most mornings before the 5:30 alarm clock mimicked the chimes of London. I wrote with passion and unleashed a part of me that I had reigned in and kept silent.

This project consumed me. It caused me to run late working on an important fundraiser that Spouse and I, along with a small army of volunteers began seven years ago. But, the fundraiser did come together and successfully ran in early November. We put over $20,000 into Pacific Wildlife Care’s bank account. That warmed my heart.

Our political world grew in further separation, which saddened me. It was as if some cancer had taken over American society’s common sense that simply refuses to understand that when one leans too far left or right, the danger of tipping over into dangerous waters increases exponentially. I’ve watched the abortion of important words like compassion and empathy — but at the same time watched people come together in the face of a multitude of tragedies that riddled this year with bullets, floods, storms and fires.

Through these 12 months, a medical cancer did strike my friends and colleagues. It was as if a deluge of rogue cells from what I call cancer-world rained on many people I know. And at the same time it never dawned on me that, I, a breast cancer survivor, should have kept my umbrella at hand.

Oh, I had a few physical things that I easily brushed off as signs of aging, like maybe pulling one too many deep rooted weeds from the garden, or the result of over exertion during a hike through nature. I made regular check up visits to the doctor, had annual blood tests, the mammogram, and it was assumed that I was doing quite well for a woman approaching her seventh decade.

By October, however, there were bouts of complete exhaustion, and I noticed that the occasional spotting (vaginal blood) was becoming more pronounced. It’s embarrassing and I kept it to myself, making note that once this big November fundraiser was over, I would go see an ob/gyn.

By mid December I was finally able to get an appointment. On my 69th birthday this year, I received news that I have cancer. Three days later I learned that it’s not a simple cancer, but a malignant and rare form of uterine cancer — uterine sarcoma.

Well, this changes things, doesn’t it? Fortunately, I am now under treatment by an gynecologic oncologist who has bumped me way up the treatment ladder for surgery this January.

What happens next? I have no idea. January’s toast, however. Much of my earlier plans are now erased. For the moment, I am trying to process this end of year notice and find my way to what ever purpose I was born.

I’ll never fully understand why life brings these twists and turns. But it does. I’m back in cancer-world — but I am in good company.

This brings me to my plea to stop the vitriol and the armed resistance to truth and fact. Impermanence reigns, and it is up to you and I to assume that each step we take has meaning, and that each step be soft in kindness, compassion and empathy for each other. There is no one single highway in life and we are fools to believe that to be so. We exist in an elliptical circle that renders north, south, east, west, up and down. Truth has many directions. Truth does not end in an ism.

And so begins another year. I am grateful for the loves of my life. I am grateful for the dear ones of my life. I am grateful for those with whom I associate. I am grateful for those who wish to challenge my points of view. I am grateful that this cancer within me has been found. I am grateful for every moment when the madness of words overcomes me and I am compelled to put them to paper. I am grateful to have another learning opportunity.

I’ve begun the chronicle of my second visit into cancer-world.


What’s ahead?  Surgery and three to five days of hospitalization. Four to six weeks recuperation. To be continued.


12 thoughts on “2017 — Part 2. The Cancer Within

  1. My sweet Charmaine, I am so sorry that you are going through this hell for a second time. That is fucked up – pardon my French, but the situation calls for blue language. (My mom would’ve interjected right there, “that’s not French”!) I am sure you’re getting your fill of recommendations and advice, and I’m sure you already know about cbd,being a worldly and hip young thang. However, if you haven’t heard, or are sceptical, I’m here to say that you should really check it out pronto. You can get the cbd oils at lots of shops (true earth has an awesome tincture that’s expensive and works!), but you would need to talk to your oncologist or someone who knows the products to figure out your needed dosage. I think it’s a combo of thc and cbd for cancer, but I don’t know Amy’s. I do know this: cbd is the only thing that eats cancer, and it’s immediate. It is worth checking out ASAP – everything I’ve read and heard is overwhelmingly positive, with eradication rather than remission being the end result. My mom has leukemia, and she’s getting the chemo talks from her dr right now, and the one thing my sister and I are sure of is that she won’t survive it. So I’ve been heavily researching this other option and cannot wait to get to Redding so I can get her on this therapy. Anyway, sorry to go on and on. I just think you’re the bee’s knees and I want you to be ok. To kick ass and take names. I know you will, and I know you have a lot of support and love, but I’m throwing my hat in the ring of love and support Charmaine 2018 too! Anything you need, food, cleaning, jokes, interpretive dance, rodeo tricks, a shoulder to cry on or to punch (your choice), etc, I’m your girl. Seriously! And I know you’ve got your beautiful girls and they are your rocks, but I think they live in la and maybe can’t be here 24-7, so just know you’ve got a surrogate in the wings. Anyway, I send you my most heartfelt love and prayers and good juju. I’m so sorry you are going through this – I know you are going to kick some cancer ass, but it sucks and it isn’t fair. Eye of the tiger, my friend. You got this. Check out some info on cbd: http://scienceblog.cancerresearchuk.org/2009/08/19/cannabinoids-for-treating-cancer/?_ga=2.29772796.2102884558.1514377651-1510587542.1514377651

  2. I make an occasional donation to the cancer fund, which I can afford because I NEVER squander money on booze tobacco or gambling. If boozers, smokers and gamblers would discontinue there highly expensive practices and donate some of the money to cancer research, it would be most beneficial to cancer patients.

  3. As I enter the world of Cancer. I share with you my fondest hope that you are so successful in conquering it. I have MDS a bone marrow Cancer> I will pray each night for you and that you are healed in God’,s name. G. Don Dyer

  4. Dearest Sis:

    “*There is no one single highway in life and we are fools to believe that to be so.*”

    If I were to remember one single sentence out of the countless writings of yours which I have read, those are the words with the greatest impact on me.

    You are in my prayers and in my heart.

    Warmest fraternal love, Paul

    On Tue, Dec 26, 2017 at 11:04 PM, The Muse Pallet wrote:

    > Charmaine Coimbra posted: ” 2017 began with an innate sense that if we > don’t connect with nature, we will lose our way. Inspiration jolted me from > bed most mornings before the 5:30 alarm clock mimicked the chimes of > London. I wrote with passion and unleashed a part of me that I ha” >

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